it boggles my mind that this time next year i could be married, and living in canada, seattle, or england. i'm nervously anticipating hearing from grad schools. and what i've gathered from the whole audition process is that i am uncool and the opposite of tenacious. i was so psychologically rattled by all the other people at my auditions and how adult and worldly cool they were. i'm gonna have to get cool, and i'm not sure how. i've been in nerd jerusalem for the past 4 years. samoa girl scout cookies are the best.

-i'm an emotional basketcase lately. i'm teary-eyed watching the top chef finale and last week i bawled watching stump win the Westminster Kennel club dog show. what the hell is my deal?

-grad school auditions are almost over. i made a DVD for one school tonight and was therefore forced to watch myself performing. at least now i know if i don't get in to grad school, it's because i look like a turtle.

-jon is talking to himself. just said 'frank lapidus....jimmy dean sausage....yaaaay.' i don't understand this guy.

-i think my haircut makes me look like javier bardem in 'no country for old men.'

-my crush on Edward Cullen has been trumped by my crush on Suze Orman.

-my boss megan picked up this stuffed-animal panda today and said it was the mascot for audition week and needed a name. i suggested 'pandero' and laughed to myself and it was uncomfortable. kyle, what did you DO to me.

stuck here for yet another week in tonsillectomy recovery drug-haze and kind of frustrated that i'm missing the first week of class, albeit happy i have an excuse to wear jammies for 7 more days. i start auditions for grad school in about 12 days, which came fast. i narrowed it down to yale, columbia, brown, uc-san diego, university of washington, and 3 schools in england--i really don't know what i was thinking trying to take all of this on while dealing with the removal of my 'buckets of bacteria' which were 'the size of full grown thumbs'. but its all given me an excuse to hang out with Dr. Fluhrer more, which is pretty exciting. i went to his apartment last week and he showed me a 1000 piece puzzle he had been working on. he also had the entire series of "Friends" on dvd which i thought was sort of funny. oh i love him. and i'm having coffee with west hyler when i get back to nyc, if i ever get there. i haven't seen him in 5 years or so. i'm sort of intimidated since he's this big shot director of a tony-award winning broadway show now. he probably doesn't need to have 'alice: through the looking glass' on his resume anymore, but i sure as hell do.

senior year is definitely going to be the weirdest year. my classes all suck with the exception of stravinsky, which has been awesome so far, and much to my surprise i'm not the most stupid one in the class. dean noon let us know we are going to do an all-stravinsky concert and that made me think of kyle and i sitting in the dorm singing through the rite of spring and doing all the instrument sounds. hahaha that was a long time ago it feels like, back in the days when i couldn't send text messages and did crossword puzzles every day. i feel like less of a kid somehow, since i moved to brooklyn or since i left england or something. i'm not sure i like it. i miss my roommates. i made pork tenderloin and mushroom risotto for jon and i to eat tonight. it was tasty but deep down what does that mean? hahaha. i'm going back to greenville on friday for the next 10 days!!!! and maybe i'll see some cuties there like sarah meowroi?

well, as i assumed for the last 20 years or so, england is completely amazing and i hope i can get over there to live for good as soon as possible. my program was fantastic, and i learned so much, i sort of re-learned why it is i wanted to be a performer in the first place and that was a thrill. the english countryside was the most beautiful place i've ever been, and oxford and london were also gorgeous, but mainly because of the people. i played mafia with british 13-year-old boys just about every night and that may be my favorite memory. the old men ride bicycles everywhere and call you 'love' (if you're me), and that is wonderful also. i spent so much time alone walking through nature, which i never do here because i'm too afraid of snakes. i've seen 2 snakes since i've been home, where the hell are they all coming from???!? but alas, no adders in england. i got to meet alan rickman, jeremy irons, fiona shaw, and john barton. i made very poor food choices and listened to some really ridiculous music. i have a newfound love for rihanna and i'm addicted to sugared almonds. i became friends with this retarded girl from california who was a main character on season 1 of laguna beach, and maggie couldn't be more delighted about that. i went to a bar completely made of ice?? i miss england. here are some pictures i took, behind the cut.



( mind the gap )

private benjamin loves you!!!!!



tyler is stunning









this is some of the best max i think i've ever seen

the break has been preeetttyyyy, pretttyyyyy good. my time with jon was helpful and pleasant and long overdue, and for the time being things with my family seem okay. Maggie brought over her new boyfriend, boone walker, but everyone he knows calls him "the booner." i spent new years eve playing board games with the booner and my family, i'm confident that was the best possible way to kick off 2008, which is going to be a big year. last year was rather uneventful. i got my first apartment and got bedbugs, hahaha that's about all i can remember. but this year i have a recital, a trip to see The View with Mrs. Zerna, a summer in England (!!!), and grad school applications all to look forward to. and after watching 'Once', I feel like I want to start a band, I want to do some songwriting. Jon will move out, and that will be so depressing, and the apartment will be filthy and inefficient and irrational all the time. i've really been a shut in lately. i'm always missing people from home when i'm in new york, but i don't  make any effort to see anyone when i'm here. haha ah well. i'm typically pretty successful at being alone and feeling secure enough to enjoy it, hahaha but sometimes i just completely blow it, and i feel lonely like i did all day today. i genuinely miss people and just wish i was a little bit more effective with letting them know so. i have one friend in new york that is a real friend, and he told me several times over the semester that i'm like so closed off and cold that nobody can take it seriously when i say anything kind. and i mean, he's not exactly mother theresa himself, but still his is probably one of the only opinions i care about, and so these statements have resonated with me ever since. i really don't know what to make of it now, hahaha now that everyone thinks i'm an asshole/white supremacist. new year's resolution is to try to turn my thoughts away from myself and to consider others even more, and read more of the bijbel. and start answering my phone/returning phone calls. actually that is probably never going to happen. but i will devote myself wholeheartedly overcoming my T9 plight. i had two nice memories today, one of sarah sending me pieces of her stellan/noah story and pictures of owls and ridiculous men. the other one was so random that i'm not certain it actually happened, but it was that i was telling people at krispy kreme night that gymnasts in the olympics could lose points if they didnt use enough glitter to show spirit and team pride, and then kara setting me straight. they really can lose points if they pick their wedgies during a floor routine though, that is a fact. it's been way too long since i've seen sarah. last time was in june and that drunk bitch blew chunks all over my house. hahahahaha, god.

kyle

it is really hard to have a good attitude about things when it gets dark at 4pm, but here goes. i made a list of people/things i'm really thankful for, particularly today, because i was really bored while jon was practicingggg.

isaac; paramus, new jersey; pine tree smell; jon; plain cheesecake; cold weather; neil, because he gave me 20 bucks, but he makes me feel like a million (hahaha sorry); apple cider; my sister; the hudson river; dogs; the german language; when you shave your legs and then they feel really good when you get into bed???; marit; curb your enthusiasm; benjamin stewart johnson; when old men call me 'sweetheart'; cheesy nationalist music; carla; peanut butter and jelly sandwiches; jung hoon; sweet caroline; michael cera; dream dates with sarah; gypsy cabs; kyle's impressions of just about anyone; cereal; crossword puzzles; eternal sunshine of the spotless mind; george washington bridge; sting; okra

good grief!

today i had no car and nothing to do, so i decided to clean out my closet and one of the many treasures i uncovered was my madison jr. high yearbook from 6th grade. i realized that it is a wonder of god that people talk to me, i had almost forgotten what an awkward kid i was. and apparently i hated my mom. hahaha since nobody had decided to sign my yearbook i signed it many times (then..not today) as various celebrities, in different pen colors for extra authenticity:

Leah- That boy is mine! Love Brandy

Dearest Leah- you light up my life, and fill my heart with gladness. God blessed this earth by putting you on this earth. you are a fragrant flower in a garden full of many weeds. yours truly, leonardo dicaprio

Even though I'm almost as old as your mom, I still really dig you. Burt Reynolds. (???????????????)

You have so much talent, but I need to ask you a favor. Can your mom star in Jurassic Park 3...except, all the people roles are taken though if you know what I mean. -Spielberg

"That thing you do" amazes me! Tom Hanks

Leah- Ya' know I miss ya'. Call me and write me everyday. I love you. Remember the good times. Eric Matthews (from boy meets world, not even a real human)

They should call you 'good leah wyman.' love always, matt damon

-Leah- I tried to commit suicide I was so sad. I sat in the garage with the door shut with the engine running. <3 your suicidally depressed friend Bruce Willis
 

hahahahah what the hell. i cant wait to look at this thing again with kyle.

well boston was pretty much amazing, and so was the ben folds concert--mainly because of this:

_________________________________________________________________________



(CBS/AP) Concert-goers and even Boston Pops conductor Keith Lockhart were caught off-guard when a fight broke out on opening night at the usually sedate Symphony Hall in Boston, Mass. Video of the fight on Wednesday night showed two men struggling in the balcony — one with his shirt pulled off — as several people stood around them. CBS Station WBZ correspondent Joyce Kulhawik said one man objected to another man's talking. "A woman screamed, then suddenly it came to fisticuffs."
Witnesses said they heard a scream from the balcony, and the sound of chairs falling, then a second scream as the fight escalated.
At that point, Lockhart halted the performance while police intervened.
Boston police spokesman David Estrada said police officers on security detail at the hall escorted the men off the property, and no charges were filed. No injuries were reported, he said.
"It was an unfortunate incident, but thankfully this kind of behavior is truly out of the ordinary at a Boston Pops concert," the orchestra said in a statement. It referred calls to the Boston police department.
The performance launched the 122nd season of the Boston Pops, and featured singer-songwriter Ben Folds. The fight broke out during a medley of tunes from the movie musical "Gigi." Kulhawik noted, dryly, "It has that effect on some people." __________________________________________________________________________


jon and i were about 30 feet away, it was so ridiculous. i think it was the first real fight i've ever seen, unless you count jane-claire and jaime campbell and i trying to start a fight club next to the gazebo at fine arts center when we were like 15.

laskdjlasdkfj now back to work. i am so bitter.

i finished the crossword puzzle by myself today, a whole one.

'into the woods' is such a ridiculous process. i hope i have the ability to remind myself of this when i get the urge to audition for carolyn again next year.

i was reading this email today about the percussion department in my school and it was listing their accolades and jobs they were getting, and thinking about jon's new haven audition, and i'm really happy for all of them, but mainly they all scare the crap out of me. not because they are successful but just because they have ambition in general. i love singing but i dont love the business of singing, i dont have the discipline to be a composer, and i've recently learned that i have absolutely no rhythm whatsoever.

cute ashley (of stewashley) asked me today if i was going to be a 'bad ass mezzo' and just thinking of ending up an old bitter singer and bad person with a yappy dog was really scary, and then i realized that is basically who i am right now.

my jury is tomorrow. i don't even care really. i wish they would stop making me take classes at this school and just let me teach them instead.

i'm going to see ben folds with the boston pops tomorrow, and isaac is coming in like four days. and my show opens in a little over a week. and then i'm coming hooooome.

stew in case i don't get a chance to talk to you next week because i have exams all morning and rehearsals from 12-12, i hope you have an genious birthday!!!!! i think that day should dually be recognized as the 2 year anniversary of us not going olive garden.

i hope you have a cake and john mccrea jumps out of it!!!

i'm so retarded.

everyone i know from my high-school class is going to be done with college in like 5 minutes, and i still have no clue in this world what i want to do. i dont even know what classes to register for.

my performance teacher told me on monday that she thinks i have a career ahead of me in musical theatre. hahahaha i just don't even know what to think about that now. i hope one day i get paid a shit ton of money to do something completely stupid, like the 'legally blonde' musical. it's the end of the year and everyone is in a bad mood. i'm really tired and testy.

i'm getting nervous about having roommates next year. one of my roommates literally scares me to death. i think the ideal living situation would be to share an apartment with tom hanks. to sit around with him listening to billy joel. that's the dream. i've been watching the first season of the bosom buddies, it's probably the worst show ever, but i think daniel tapp would love it.

speaking of old pals, i was so happy to see sam on saturday, i never believe he is as young as he says. i hope he comes to this school one day, hahaha that is probably so weird that i think about that, but whatever. i keep watching the admissions updates in the office to see if the converse girls are coming. hahaha even that idea makes me uncomfortable, probably because everyone i knew at converse was ridiculous with the exception of shareese, and even she was ridiculous for listening to the deftones hahahahaha. there are enough ridiculous people here without all that mess coming my way.

this is going to to be a tough two weeks. jon has his audition for the new haven symphony on sunday. i really really hope he does well, or advances enough to make himself satisfied. he's been a psycho about practicing lately, and it makes me want this for him so bad, if even so he'll ease up on himself. i've been such a nervous wreck all week. it's scary that i want good things for him sooooo much more than for myself, it's messed up, it's good. haha i think i would give up my whole education and just hand him a check for my scholarship if it would put him any closer to being happy and realizing how talented he is. sldfkjad theory lecture.

i can't believe that there are only 4 weeks or something left for this school year. things have been overall good recently, or i temporarily have a better attitude. i sign a lease on an apartment on saturday!! my first official own place to live, and in new york city. i think i'm really going to like living with kyle, marit, and alyson. it's going to be exactly like everybody loves raymond, all the time.

kyle played in this percussion concert last week, and there was this work written for 3 djembes. and it made me think of stew and i calling them jimbays? or something about jimbays. i never knew that timpani was a plural form. a singular one is called a timpano, and i think that sounds ridiculous.

i went to my friend jill's house in boston last weekend and spent easter with jews, the food was very good. i never knew how jewish she really was. she calls her grandmother 'bubby'. boston and chicago are so much better than new york, to me. they both have their distinctive identities, whereas the whole point of new york is that it has a whole jumble of identities, and considering how very racist i am, it's entirely overwhelming. gosh, i really don't have anything deep to say ever. if you want something deep you should probably read sarah's livejournal.

i think i put everything better in notes, which makes it retarded that i could have been working on this composition for this upcoming recital instead of doing this shit. i'm truly about to give up on writing music, altogether. i reeeeeally want some macaroni and cheese.

oh! and i almost forgot the point of this stupid long thing, and that is that i got to meet SIMON PEGG AND NICK FROST and Hot Fuzz was sooooooo funny and very loud. they did this fantastic talkback after the movie, which was supposed to be facilitated by this guy from the sponsor company of the screening, but instead out comes kevin smith? jon and i were on the second row and it was phenomenally fun, i took lots of terrible quality pictures/videos on my little phone camera, and got autographs, i'll put them up later. a while after things were over jon and i walked out and nick frost was standing behind the theatre having a cigarette by himself, and so we went over and talked to him and i acted really obnoxious and asked him 'whats your perfect sunday?' because i'm retarded. he said a wake and bake, then cook a roast, then a few pints, a dvd, and then back to bed.
my apartment broker is named pablo, and so whenever i call him i have to say 'hey pablo' and that makes me think of the ridiculous hey pablo band.

my insomnia just led to the bidding of a pair of 100 dollar crochet boots on ebay, of which i didn't even check the size, and after i bid i remembered that and went back and saw that they were a size six, and that's 3 sizes too small-- so let's hope i don't win them so that i never have to come to terms with the fact that i'm such a dick, and so now it's time to write in my journal for energy emission!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

being home is going well so far. i have not left my house once since i got here saturday morning, so at least i still know that i am the front runner in the hermit match. i love being home, because i always pretty much know exactly what is going to happen when i'm home, and so i don't have to worry about everything, because it's always consistent as long as nobody dies. as always, isaac came over to be a jerk the first night i was back. as always, i wanted a chick-fil-a sandwich first thing off the plane and then ended up thinking it was gross. my dogs are dirty and gassy and cute, and about all my mom has wanted to talk about today is how sore she is from '3rd warrior pose' in yoga.

apparently since i went on my sugar strike at christmas i lost over 20 pounds? i don't have a scale at school, so that was a nice surprise, considering that the thing i hate more than anything in this world is exercise and second to that is vegetables. except hearts of palm, because those are tasty. and so are those samoa girl scout cookies. if and when i go off the sugar strike i'm going to eat a whole box and a can of hearts of palm and a ginger ale!!!

working on the listening for the dean noon test has been really fun?!?! i got all 18.5 hours on my computer and of course NONE of the track names, so it's felt like a mystery, trying to figure out which is which. i've been listening to a lot of ravel, and blur, and the beach boys. all awesome.
i've been writing a lot of chamber music featuring the cello and i really want to do a concert with sam johnson maybe on his senior year and then like, get people to come and give us a ton scholarship money for sam to go to music school??? i don't know if that makes me a creep or what

i finally found a copy of the full joffrey ballet production of the Rite of Spring on dvd, with the original costumes and choreography!!! it's only taken me since junior year at fine arts to hunt one down, on this rare classical videos website. i'm so excited, that shit is so scary.


my mom and i ate pop tarts for dinner tonight and watched this movie called Kinky Boots which was cute, and the guy from Serenity and Love Actually was in it and he played a drag queen, but not an over-the-top drag queen, which really made me happy. he was so endearing and natural, i don't like how they always have to lambast you with their drag queen-ness. oh and nick frost was in it!!
AND!! I GET TO SEE THE HOT FUZZ SCREENING AT LINCOLN CENTER WITH THE NICK FROST AND SIMON PEGG EDGAR WRIGHT tALKSBACEK!

Soooooooooo, i switched voice teachers again...

I think I'm going to be the first ever singer to be allowed a double major at my school, and it was a teacher of mine, <<<333Dr.Stambaugh<<<333 who went to the Dean to see that i get some composition training. it is probably the best thing thats ever happened to me as a musician, which probably means it's only a matter of time before i freak out and quit school and move back home.

my mom and sister are doing an interview for the upcoming TALK magazine as correspondents on George Clooney and Renee Zellweger sightings?

This time next week i will be at the beach with Jon! it's so nice to be happy about things. next on the agenda is use this happy get out a bit more, try to make some friends besides jung hoon, fernando and kyle. not that they arent good, but i think i intentionally picked friends that practice all the time so they would leave me alone.

also on the agenda is take Sarah Maloy out for a nice dinner, and then over to Rupert Grint and Daniel Radcliffe's house for a game of balderdash and a chocolate fountain.

things are much improved. i think music theory is the most fun thing, possibly ever. i don't think my vaporizer is working like i had hoped. i can't see the steam coming out the top which takes all of the fun out of it. i can't wait for spring break, and haha i actually can't wait for midterms. i like my study group and it counts as hanging out for me.
i had a dream last night that sarah took me into the mountains to see a play that was in this blockbuster video, and after the play ben folds came out dressed like dracula and did a performance of fred jones pt.1, but sarah had left the concert without me to walk around and i just didn't know whether to stay and hear ben or go or what, because she was my ride home. in the end i think she left keys for me and a cvs card behind the desk at blockbuster so that i could borrow a car home, but i was worried about her driving home alone because she looks at the sky so much?

dr. stambaugh is having a kid! that kid is going to be so frickin smart and lucky. i finally wrote a love note to dr. stambaugh. i asked where he'd be "haydn all my life" and i told him i was "smetana with him" because he was my "faure of sunshine", and it was "about time we got bizet". i signed it anonymous 4. nobody reading this will think that is funny unless you are reading this mom. i had a "complete nervous breakdown" (someone else's words) in my performance class in front of the sophomore singers. hahaha it was probably long overdue. i'm a big old mess lately and i probably need an attitude adjustment, but i dont really know what to do about that shit right now, or who to talk to. i think probably my dad, but because of the time difference, thats a nicht nicht. so i guess i'm trying to ignore it.

children of men was really good, for the king crimson among other things. the scene where they played kindertotenlieder while michael caine was talking about the clive owen's son dying made me cry.

my friend joe bunn who went to fac and died in a car crash was the drummer for the guy-from-greenville-who-is-on-american-idol's-praise-band. i don't really know what this means but i think it brings me one step closer to clay aiken.

i bought a vaporizer for my room yesterday! i am so excited about it, it is going to fix me right up. valentines day was cute. i had no idea what to get jon, so i got him a wine and cheese picnic basket. jon and i won the "newlywed game" that the student council did and so we won a dinner at this nice little italian place down the street. i dont know that the dinner was worth the whole school knowing that 'breathe' by faith hill is our song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUzGWraORUo

i'm so excited about this!!! hahaha i'm such a loser. the beatles are fun though. other things i am excited about: going to moma today, having my computer back, the bears in the superbowl, getting to see ian tonight, and brenden in march, 2 whole weeks of spring break at the beach, redecorating kyles room, the guy from greenville on american idol who looks kinda like fatty tapp, roadtrip to boston, the board game party on thursday, the premier of LOST on tuesday, jon's parents coming next weekend, which means getting to go to a play and nice restaurants, deathly hallows, ian mckellan on extras this week, order of the phoenix, hot fuzz, and the new movie version of 'The Women', because boy will that take me back, oh ho ho. daniel radcliffe and a horse!!!

my father is so odd/amazing



Hi Leah,

I've been working on a project for you. I want you to improvise a 2 part
Fugue based on the theme below. That will keep you from getting bored and
show me what you've learned at MSM. When you finish you can record it and
email it back to me. If this is too easy for you then make it a 3 part for
violin, cello and bass. Also - if you can figure out who the original
composer of the theme was you will get bonus points!

Love,

Dad